Monday, September 11, 2006

Face-Lift 184


Guess the Plot

The Naked World

1. When fifteen-year-old Jimmy Brand was granted a wish, he knew what he wanted. But he forgot all about his Mom and the old guy in the alley, not to mention Mrs. Groodle across the hall.

2. Abigail has big plans for her new superstore for naturists - but the only real demand turns out to be for anti-chafing lotions.

3. Convinced he's a superhero and the city is in danger from The Black Dragoon's giant robots, a senile old man plans a daring operation.

4. Amid neighborhood rumors, Timmy explores both blanket prejudices and emerging desires when a glimpse of bikini-clad Sara (a single mother) practicing a stripper routine on a flagpole in her backyard opens his eyes.

5. Cutting edge designer Mr. Lillian has come up with a plan to save the House of Lillian and convince the Emperor that it's time for a new suit.

6. Incredibly nervous about her Oscar speech, screenwriter Alana Marsh tries imagining that everyone watching her is buck-naked. Unfortunately, her latent witchcraft powers happen to kick in at just that moment.


Original Version

Dear Mr. Evil Editor:

Forty years ago, Henry Barton starred in the television series The Scarlet Knight. Now he spends his days in a California retirement home, [watching himself on TV Land, and not even realizing that's him.] forgotten by all except Tony McGraw, a 13-year-old devotee of the show. On the eve of a theatrical update of the series—produced by Henry’s estranged daughter—Henry sallies forth like a modern Don Quixote to prove he’s the real Scarlet Knight. [It seems to me that if they were doing a theatrical update of a forty-year-old TV series, Henry would not be forgotten by all, but hounded mercilessly by the Hollywood press--which could lead to some amusing scenes if Henry has totally lost it.]

Henry’s first attempt at superheroics is minor; he tries to rescue a prostitute from customers he believes to be rapists. [If he lived through that, he must be invulnerable.] But soon he sees greater evil around him in the form of a conspiracy to destroy the city with giant robots masterminded by the Scarlet Knight’s archenemy the Black Dragoon, whom he thinks has wormed his way into the mayor’s office. This leads Henry to a daring break-in of city hall to retrieve evidence, and a final showdown with the Black Dragoon—a stuntman recruited by Henry’s daughter—on the roof of a theater the night the Scarlet Knight film premieres. [This is all very cute, but wouldn't it be more exciting if there were actual giant robots threatening the city?]

The story alternates between the fanciful world of the Scarlet Knight imagined by Henry and the real world seen by Tony, the unwilling sidekick trying to get his friend home safely. As Henry’s madness deepens, jeopardizing both their lives, Tony loses his naïve beliefs about loyalty and heroism. He comes to see the naked world in all its terrible glory.

The Naked World is a 70,000-word dark literary comedy that updates the Cervantes novel for a modern audience. I think it’s important to note the novel of Don Quixote bears little resemblance to the well-known stage play Man of La Mancha. The former is not about reaching for impossible dreams so much as it is about keeping your feet on the ground. This is the spirit I’ve tried to capture in my novel.

May I send you a copy? Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,


Notes

Well done. I have nothing critical to say. One could argue that Tony losing his naïve beliefs about loyalty and heroism and coming to see the naked world in all its terrible glory is not the best wrap-up, that it should have a funny and warm-hearted ending. For some reason I'm reminded of the hilarious movie Bowfinger, I guess because it has a movie scene on a roof with one of the characters not knowing what's going on. But a better comparison is to Don Juan DeMarco, which has the crazy guy (or is he?) turning out to be the wisest of all. They could easily have put a depressing ending on that. Of course it's not clear that your book is a downer at the end. If it isn't, you might work that fact in. I vote for the sweet ending, but either way, the query is fine.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

The plot reminds me somewhat of "My Favorite Year" starring Peter O'Toole -- at least the part about the sorta last remaining fan meeting his long-time hero and finding he's only human.

Anonymous said...

EE has NOTHING critical to say?

Congratulations, author.

...it sounds interesting to me. I'd vote for a happier ending too, but I think that's because I'm hormonal and anything at all sad makes me weepy for days on end right now.

Anonymous said...

This was the one query on Miss Snark's crapometer that attracted a legitimate literary agent's interest enough that she left a comment saying she'd like to see the query package.

Pretty danged impressive, that. And instructive, too, since I could see why she and Miss Snark were saying it was good.

Erm; but I also don't like the title. Heh. Sorry.

Dave Fragments said...

I don't like the phrase "has wormed his way." I think it's a bad cliche' and a copout from good description.

McKoala said...

'the query is fine' - I think that might be a first from EE! Somewhere in the mists of time I think that there were a couple that he shredded in a minor full stops and commas kind of a way, but I think this is the first 'fine' I've seen!

Stacia said...

I still really like this, but every time I see "The Black Dragoon" I have a fit, because my book "The Black Dragon" comes out in December.

Aside from the minor heart attacks--and the agreeing with the rest of the minions that a more upbeat ending would be good (unless this is going for a more Dark Knight Returns kind of vibe, but the query makes it seem quirky and fun)--I loved this on the COM and I love it here, too.

Can't wait to read this book!

Anonymous said...

I was hoping it was this one when I read through the possible plots.

I like it. And I'm not put off by discovering the naked world for what it is (but that's probably because I'm a hopeless optimist so see the world as quite okay--but then again I don't live too close to D.C.)

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Needed a beverage alert for Pete Tzinski's post. too literary indeed.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't presume to question the ending without actually reading the book and seeing how we got there.
What about calling it "The Scarlet Knight?" Is that too obvious?

Anonymous said...

Gee, I was jumping up and down with glee when I got an 'it was okay'.

Congrats! When it's out, I'll look for it. If they change the title, let us know.

'My Favorite Year' was one of my favourites.

braun said...

Definitely. And for all the fun the minions had with it, I even like the title.

"This book is everything Don Quixote should have been!" There, that's a freebie, you can use that blurb for the back cover.

Anonymous said...

I remember this from the Crapometer. Sounds like you're in good shape to get an agent - I hope you're sending query packages right now!!

Anonymous said...

"I think it’s important to note the novel of Don Quixote bears little resemblance to the well-known stage play Man of La Mancha."

I was thinking that You should consider deleting this sentence. One must assume that agents would note this difference, even though I'm sure many don't. However, in the case that you get an agent who does, they might find this sentence a bit condescending. No reason to irritate an agent in any manner, is my position, especially when you've got such an outstanding query letter. Good luck!

Annie said...

I just wanted to say that I think that this concept is brilliant. The query is great and if the writing is as good in the manuscript, I think you've got a winner. I hope so, because I'd love to read this.

Anonymous said...

December, what happens when you run across used copies of "Tea With the Black Dragon" by R.A. Macavoy?
I hope your heart's strong. (and congrats on the book coming out!)
-Barbara (word ver is jokkyfm - the witty radio station?)

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

OH, I read this on crapometer too!