Monday, January 14, 2008

P & E Poll

The Preditors and Editors Poll is coming to a close, and incredibly, Evil Editor isn't winning. Not in the category of book editor or writers' resource. Investigating, I checked out the top couple editors in the book editor standings. They appear to be services. Send me your book and your money, and I'll edit for you. Send us your money, and we'll edit and publish your book. Who's voting for these people?

Let's face it. There aren't any famous book editors. Except EE, of course. No way should any editor (except EE, of course) be able to get more than three or four votes without getting all of their friends to vote for them, or paying homeless people to vote for them. That's where EE is at a disadvantage: I have no friends, and homeless people know better than to come near me. I must rely on my minions, most of whom have not purchased my books, and thus have no idea how good an editor I am.

Ill tell youhow goog I'm. That's the kind of sentence that most editors would let slip by. Not EE. Yet how many of these other editors have to deal with over a hundred authors per book? How many do not only the editing, but the proofreading, the cover design, the interior design, etc. for all the books they edit? How many foot the bill for their ISBN numbers, for the printing and binding and shipping? How many have the moral fiber to publish books just because they deserve to be published, even if they're certain to lose money? Only EE is that stupid.

Can anyone who's read Why You Don't Get Published honestly say it's not the funniest book ever produced? Dave called it better than sex. Two readers (whom I'll mercifully not name) admitted to having peed their pants while reading it.

Have not hundreds of aspiring authors gotten their first, and possibly only, book publication thanks to EE's Novel Deviations series? Just my way of giving back to my beloved minions.

Moving on to the writers' resource category, how do you define "resource"? Something useful? Or something entertaining? Let me rephrase that. How many of you have sold a book thanks to any so-called writers' resources? That's what I thought. So how useful are they? And since none of the so-called resources has shown itself to be useful, you may as well vote for one that's entertaining.

I have no doubt that the leading votegetters have placed the address of the ballot (http://www.critters.org/predpoll) on their websites, along with pleas for votes. I'm not stooping to such depths, because I'm starting to think it's better to come in last: in the author category, Stephen King is tied for last place. Man, who's in first, Tolstoy?

Next year will be different. Next year I'm told there'll be a category called funniest blog by an editor with muttonchops. I feel certain I'll make the top ten.

36 comments:

Blogless Troll said...

EE forgot to mention: It's one vote per email address. So if you have multiple email addresses, you can vote multiple times.

Phoenix Sullivan said...

This is an outrage!

I wasn't going to stoop to this but, given the circumstances, I think it's time. One person, one vote? Well, my avatar may just have something to say about that! Phoenix has an email account, too.

Avatars unite! Stand up and be counted! (Just don't tell the Internet police, OK?)

Chris Eldin said...

Sorry now for my vote for Angel Editor. To be honest, it was the foot massage. Who else will massage your feet with one hand while line edit your manuscript with the other. AND, all the while telling you what a great writer you are.

none said...

Shilling for multiple votes just emphasises how pointless this whole exercise is.

(Don't forget to vote for Sundown!)

(but only once each)

PJD said...

When they start handing out those little "I voted" stickers, then I'll vote. Oh wait, I already did.

Anonymous said...

seven accounts, 3 computers, I've done my best.

Sandra Cormier said...

I voted! Also, if you already voted for someone else, all will be forgiven if you re-vote. All prior votes from the same email will be overwritten in that category.

By the way, my cover art for The Space Between is sitting at number nine. *whispers*

Robin S. said...

Looks like the numbers are rising. Don't stop now.

Robin S. said...

OK- here are the standings as of 7:00 pm:

EE- bookeditor, #6

Writers info, # 5

These HAVE moved up from the afternoon, and they are supposed to recalculate every hour.

CL, I sent you the standings a few hours ago when I was at work - do you have them? I don't have them at home.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. This piece needs more work, I think. Normally, I would have stopped reading at the tense switches in the first paragraph, but for the sake of critique, I soldiered on. However, to further compound the ambiguous tense, there are jarring POV switches from third to first, making the MC -- or the author -- seem somewhat schizophrenic.

Overall, this reads like another one of those autobiography thinly disguised as literary fiction pieces.

Nice try, and good luck with it.

Anonymous said...

Yea, right iago. Whatever. Did you vote yet or not?

Dave Kuzminski said...

pjd, you may not have noticed, but the Vote Ninja put one of those stickers on your back. Every time you're near a UV source of light, it shows, "I voted for EE and that hack writer David Kuzminski."

McKoala said...

Oh, poor EE. Life is so unfair. Sending tissues through the ether.

Anonymous said...

Hey Dave K- why are there so freakin' many Latinidad listings?
What's that about?

Robin

talpianna said...

Let's face it. There aren't any famous book editors. Except EE, of course.

Do the names "Harold Ross" and "Maxwell Perkins" mean anything to you?

talpianna said...

Next year will be different. Next year I'm told there'll be a category called funniest blog by an editor with muttonchops. I feel certain I'll make the top ten.

Only to lose out to Shari Lewis in an almost-too-close-to-call vote...

Evil Editor said...

Let's face it. There aren't any famous book editors. Except EE, of course.

Do the names "Harold Ross" and "Maxwell Perkins" mean anything to you?

I rest my case.

Anonymous said...

I use the same decision process for this as I would use for voting in a president, so unfortunately--

Only EE is that stupid.

No, wait! In that case, you're my guy.

Brenda said...

Oh I don't know. Super Jen is kinda famous, isn't she? I mean, she carries Crusie and Evanovich, so she's GOTTA be. It's like LAW.

Okay, so maybe she's only famous in Brenda Land. But EE is GOD in Brenda Land, and that overrules "famous" any damn day, so smile already.

PJD said...

oh, good one talpianna!

Dave K, I didn't see the category for hack writer. Did I miss it?

Xenith said...

Now this is why I don't vote in these things, they don't mean anything.

My dog though, I'm sure she's happy to vote. I know she's been dead for 6 months but, look, if she can get spam and invitations to MySpace groups, then she can vote in online polls, right?

Sarah Laurenson said...

I was saving my vote for the last minute blitzkreig. EE's still at 6 for editor, but now at 3 for resource.

Robin S. said...

I'd have thought we all already knew EE knew about Max Perkins, as does anyone who has a sense of American literary history.

So maybe then we could focus on the POINT - and work on moving up the number.

Anonymous said...

Good thing you posted that, because I had completely missed that you were in two categories.

My voting is now complete.

Chris Eldin said...

Max who?

Robin S. said...

OK, Dave K - what's that date chang stuff about? The website says the polls close at midnight on the 14th at the bottom of your page, but according to the top of your page, it's midnight of the
15th.

And about half of a group I'll call The Bournemouth Contingent voted yesterday, but more were gonna vote today, because it said they had until midnight tonight.

Sooooo....

none said...

Ooooh, will Jazmin vote posthumously for me?

Xenith said...

Squirrel, dear, you have to ask?

Phoenix Sullivan said...

At 4:00 Central Time, EE is NUMBER ONE is BOTH Writer Info and Book Editor categories!

Keep up the votes! Only 8 more hours to go. More or less. Depending on what time zone you're in. And which rules you read.

Robin S. said...

Phoenix- good to know! I looked earlier and it said the voting was finished. Good to know!!!!

Dave Kuzminski said...

Robin, it's called divide and conquer. ;)

Dave Kuzminski said...

Technically, the poll ends at midnight GMT 15 Jan 08.

Robin S. said...

Hi Dave,

Well. All righty then. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Oh, hell, Dave. That's a word problem. Bring on the aspirin. I get woozy just looking at a word problem.

Does that mean at the start of the 15th, or the end? I know what GMT is - I don't know which part of the 15th you mean- the top or the tail. British time.

A friend of mine just voted a few minutes ago - and your site accepted the votes. So. Does that mean it ends at 7:00 pm on the
15th, Eastern time, which is midnight AT THE END of the 15th, GMT?

Robin

Dave Kuzminski said...

Am I ahead yet in the hack writer category? If not, then it stays open. :) j/k

Dave Fragments said...

Well, now that the deadline has passed, the results put EE on the top. Is this official yet?